


Love Isn't All That It Seems

by anxietyturtle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Dean Has Nightmares, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, M/M, Pining Dean, Sam is a Sweetheart, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Songfic, i worked hard on this please read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 08:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxietyturtle/pseuds/anxietyturtle
Summary: Dean's been having nightmares about his mother and the night of the fire, and it seems that Cas is always there to comfort him. But Dean begins to question his feelings for his best friend, and begins to push him away as a result. But sometimes, people are pushed too far away, and wrongs need to be righted. (Inspired by the song Burning House - Cam)





	Love Isn't All That It Seems

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this fic when I was driving around and the song Burning House by Cam came on. I thought it was a perfect fit for Destiel. I hope you enjoy this story, and here's a link to the song (I recommend listening to it before reading if you haven't heard it): https://youtu.be/tzB3JB-0zk4

He's shaking, looking at his trembling hands in the orange glow. He doesn't want to look up, he already knows exactly what's going to happen.

“Take your brother outside as fast as you can! NOW Dean, go!”

He hears his father’s voice, but it sounds distorted somehow. He forces himself to look up. Flames are everywhere, and his dad is yelling at his younger self, telling him to hurry up, get out of here. He watches as the young boy he was runs out with baby Sam in tow, and once both him and Sam are gone, he turns back to his dad, who is walking into the nursery. Dean has no choice but to follow him, and _oh god someone please make this stop, he doesn't want to do this again_. His legs move of someone else's volition, forcing him to watch what happens next. The flames get bigger and hotter, and he turns the corner and enters the nursery, but his dad isn't there. Instead, his mother is there, but there's two of her. One of her is on the ceiling, all unseeing black eyes and wild hair as the flames emanate from her. The other is standing in the center of the room, piercing eyes looking directly into Dean’s soul.

“You're weak. Look at you, you couldn't rescue me back then, and you can't even do it now. The fact that you thought I actually loved you? Pathetic. Why would I love someone who couldn't save me?”

He's fighting, trying desperately to run away from the rising flames, to rescue his mother, anything to move away from this spot, but his legs are concrete and unyielding and he's stuck fast. The thing with her face watches him struggle and cackles evilly.

“Better hurry up, Dean. The two of us are about to go up in smoke.”

She grins maliciously at him, knowing that he can't move. She’s yelling at him now, taking delight in his suffering, taking delight in the fact that he gets to relive this moment again. He’s breaking down, knowing that he can't do anything about it. The house starts to shake and she's chanting his name, crazed and shouting, “Dean! DEAN!”

“Dean! DEAN! Dean, wake up!” Cas is shouting at Dean and shaking his shoulders as he thrashes about and lets out little shouts in his sleep. Dean gasps and jolts upright, nearly knocking heads with Cas.

“Are you alright, Dean?” Cas asks in a low voice. Dean looks at him and smiles a little, but it doesn't quite touch his eyes.

“Yeah, I'm fine, Cas. Just a nightmare, happens to everyone.”

Cas looks at him with concern and says gently, “Are you sure?” Dean nods. Cas sighs and stands up. “Alright. I’ll be in the library if you need anything.” Then he turns and walks out of the room. Dean exhales a shaky breath and falls against the mattress. He hasn't had the nightmares in years, but lately they've been returning, and getting a little clearer each time. He reluctantly gets out of bed to get ready for the day and tries to forget the dream.

~~~

It’s the little things he’s noticed.

Little things, like when Cas is reading a book and his eyes get wide, as if he’s trying to absorb all the information on the page at once. Dean has studied his features for hours while Cas reads, memorizing the shape of his face, paying attention to every detail, until Sam notices. Sam always notices. Then Dean has to quickly look away and pretend he hasn’t been staring at Cas like he was a man gasping for air and the angel’s beauty was pure, clean oxygen. He turns away and busies himself in his research whilst Sam raises an eyebrow quizzically.

Like when Dean’s sitting at the table opposite of Cas while Sam is cooking breakfast, his back turned to them. He’ll sneak glances over at Cas only to catch him already gazing back, his blue eyes a calm, tranquil sea, a gentle smile on his face. Lately, the smile is accompanied by a hint of worry in his eyes.

Like when they’re driving down the road and Dean glances in the rearview mirror, only to find himself looking more at the passenger in the backseat of the vehicle than out the back window. Sometimes, his green eyes meet blue ones.

Like when they’re on a hunt and Cas accompanies them and somehow he’s always right there when Dean needs him, always right there to protect him. Sometimes after a particularly close call, Dean will let himself feel weak, just for a moment. Cas will silently hold him in his arms, just for a moment. And in that moment, he swears he can feel wings wrapped protectively around him.

It’s the little things he’s noticed that have him questioning sometimes.

Questioning if what he feels for Cas is more than just feelings of a best friend. He immediately shuts the thoughts down and bottles up those feelings, telling himself that it simply could never be. But between the stolen glances and silent embraces, the bottle seems to never truly be sealed.

~~~

He's looking at his shaking hands and can feels the flames rising around him. _No, not this again_. He looks up to see an empty room and sees his younger self run past the door with Sammy. Suddenly his feet are moving towards the nursery, but he isn’t making himself move. He walks inside and expects to see his mother, like how it usually is, but it's far worse. Not only is she there, but Cas is on the ceiling as well, fully conscious and struggling against some invisible chains put on him, looking at Dean desperately. He hears a voice behind him say, “Don't just stand there, Dean. Aren't you going to save me?”

He reluctantly turns around to find the same twisted version of Mary, but beside her is a twisted version of Cas as well. They stand beside each other, looking at him. “Can't save me, can't tell him how you really feel. You're pathetic.” Mary smirks as she turns to Cas.

The angel glares and snarls at him, “You're the one who put me there, Dean.” He points to his other self on the ceiling. “I can't escape my bonds because you're keeping me there. The only way to free me is to stop holding back.” They both start cackling and chanting his name as ceiling ceiling Cas struggles, and Dean clutches fistfuls of his hair and sinks to the ground, whimpering, “No, make it stop, please just make it stop.” He tries to stand, to reach for Cas and his mom, but collapses to the ground. His words are broken sobs. “Please… please.”

Cas is standing outside Dean’s room, listening as he tosses and turns, and when he hears the pleading whimpers escape Dean's lips, his heart aches. He doesn't go in, hoping that the nightmare will pass and Dean will settle back to sleep. Dean begins to thrash, and screams “STOP!”, jolting awake and sitting bolt upright. Cas is through the door and by his side in an instant, the tension and worry showing on his face. Dean is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and his breath comes in short bursts.

He whips his head towards the angel, his eyes wild. “Cas, what are you doing here?”

“I was outside the door when I heard you having another nightmare, I came in when I heard you shout.”

Dean let out a shaky breath and said, “I’m fine, Cas. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Dean, I am worried about it. You’ve been having nightmares every night for days, and frankly I’m concerned.”

“Dammit, Cas, I said I’m fine! Don’t you ever listen to me? I said not to fucking worry about it.” Dean spat at him.

Hurt welled in the angel’s eyes. “Dean-”

He knew he should stop before he said something stupid, but he was just so confused around Cas and he didn’t like it. “You’re constantly hovering around me all the time, you know. It’s really starting to piss me off. Why don’t you go worry about someone else for a while? I don’t need you breathing down my neck like some lovesick puppy.”

That last statement hit its mark. Cas’s beautiful blue eyes clouded and became dark, guarded.

“I suppose, if you no longer desire my presence,” he started, “then I shall not bother you again.”

And with that, he turns and leaves the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. Dean knows he should go after him, tell him he’s sorry, that he didn’t mean it, but right now he’s just so angry. Angry with himself for taking out his frustration on Cas, angry that he can’t suppress his feelings, and angry that he doesn’t have the guts to tell him how he feels. And so he stays in his room and lets the anger and regret seep into his consciousness until he falls back asleep.

~~~

Dean wakes up and walks into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. Sam is sitting at the table with his arms crossed.

“Mornin’,” he groaned. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Dean, where is Cas?” Sam says sternly.

The events of last night seep into his memory, and with it comes the guilt. “Uh, I don’t know. Probably elsewhere in the bunker or something.”

“Dean, I already looked for him. I wanted to go over details of this last hunt with him, so I got up early to talk to him. He’s nowhere to be found.”

Panic begins to seep into his mix of emotions. “Maybe he just went out for some reason? Have you tried calling him?”

“Twice. He has his phone turned off. Dean, I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you and Cas, but-”

Oh no. They were _not_ having this conversation right now. “There’s nothing going on with me and Cas, okay? He’ll probably be back later.”

And with that he turned and walked out of the room, so he didn’t have to see the knowing look on Sam’s face.

~~~

Cas doesn’t show up later that day. Or the next.

On the second night without Cas, the nightmare returns. Except this time, when he walks into the room, there’s no fire. The walls are grey and scorched and the room is empty. Dean looks around in confusion, until he hears the voice in his head.

“You didn’t save her, or me. Now, there’s nothing left. It’s too late.” It’s Cas, but he sounds monotone, distant. His warm voice is nothing but cold and lifeless.

“Wait, Cas, I’m sorry. Please…”

No response.

“Cas, please!” He’s frantic.

Nothing.

And so he breaks down in sobs and is still sobbing when he wakes up.

~~~

It's the afternoon of the third day, and Cas still hasn't come back. Sam had called the angel several times, but he wasn't answering his phone, so he'd given up. Dean had shut himself in his room, only coming out to get something to eat or to ask Sam a question. Right now, he's in his room, mindlessly scrolling through internet articles to keep his mind off things, when a quiet knock sounds at the door.

“Dean? It's me, Sam. Can I come in?”

Dean sighs and shuts his laptop. “Yeah, sure.”

Sam opens the door gently and closes it behind him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed.

“What’s going on?” Dean asks, trying to sound normal.

“Dean, I'm worried about you.” He states simply. Sam turns and looks into his eyes with concern.

“What do you mean, dude? I'm fine,” he says nonchalantly, faking a smile.

“No, you're not. You've been hiding out in your room for the past three days. You've barely eaten, and I can hear you screaming at night. Dean, please tell me what's going on. Don't shut me out like this.”

Dean sighs and takes a deep breath. “Okay look, lately I've been having these… nightmares. Okay? Not a big deal.”

Sam smiles gently. “Okay, that's a start. Do you know why Cas left?”

The knife of regret twists in his abdomen. “Well… I snapped at him. After I had this nightmare…”

“Was it about him?” Dean shifts uncomfortably. “Well, uh…”

And with that, Dean tells Sam all about the dream, about how confused he's been lately, about their fight, everything. Sam listens until Dean collapses back on the bed and huffs out a breath.

Sam places his hand on Dean's knee. “Dean, you know that Cas loves you right?” “Of course, we're best friends,” he says as he sits back up. “No Dean, he loves you as more than just that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking. And from what you told me, you obviously do too."

“But how do you know that he feels… that way… about me? That can't be right,” he argues.

“Dean, stop being afraid. It's okay to let yourself feel things for him. He feels the same about you. But I think you need to tell him that.”

“How can I when he's not here?”

“Do what we always do in desperate times. Pray to him. Tell him you're sorry for snapping at him and tell him to come back home. Just be open and honest with him.”

He thinks for a long moment. “Okay,” he concludes. “I just… need some time alone a while.”

Sam nods and wordlessly exits the room, giving Dean a small smile as he closes the door.

~~~

_Jesus, I feel stupid right now._

He’s sitting on the edge of his bed with his hands clasped together and his forehead resting on them.

He takes a deep breath. _Here goes._

“Hey Cas? You there?” Silence. “Cas, listen. I’m sorry for snapping at you the other day. For what I said. It’s just that… that I was afraid. Because… I don’t know. It’s just that lately, whenever I see you, I start feeling something… different. And I was scared you didn’t have that feeling too. And I tried pushing you away, but it only made it worse. And dammit Cas,” he chokes up a bit, “I-I miss you. Please, just... please come home.”

He sits with his eyes closed for a moment, afraid to open them for fear Cas won’t be standing there. Eventually he works up the courage, and when he opens them, the angel is standing in front of him with tears streaming down his face.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean looks into those ocean eyes with his own now welling with tears, and whispers a single heart-wrenching syllable.

“Cas.”

It's enough to completely shatter the rest of Cas’s heart, and before he realises what he's doing, he's crushing Dean to his chest and tangling his fingers in his hair. “Shh, you're okay, I forgive you.” Cas whispers reassuringly as he rubs Dean's back.

Dean gives in to the embrace, clutching at the angel's back and sobbing into his shoulder. Cas is rubbing soothing circles on his back and whispering comforting words to him, and all Dean can think about is how nice this is and how he wished he hadn't been denying himself this for so long.

“Hey,” Cas whispers. He gently pulls Dean back to look him in the eyes. “Those feelings you say you have, I believe I feel the same.” He embraces him again and lets Dean cry into his shoulder.

Eventually Dean runs out of tears, but Cas doesn't let go. He lays down beside Dean and pulls him close, holding him in his arms until long after Dean falls asleep. He doesn't have a nightmare this time.

~~~

Dean and Cas walk into the kitchen to see Sam making bacon and eggs. He turns and looks at them and smiles.

“Morning, Dean. Welcome back, Cas.”

Dean smiles and looks at the angel with a gentle fondness. Cas smiles at him, then reaches out and squeezes Dean’s hand.

Sam grins and rolls his eyes. “You two lovebirds are gonna make me sick. Go sit at the table while I finish breakfast.”

They turn and walk hand in hand to the table, never loosening their grip.

~~~

That night, Cas asks to stay in Dean's room, to which Dean nods and gives him a small smile. Dean gets ready for bed and crawls onto the mattress, snuggling into Cas’s chest as the angel wraps his arms around him and strokes his hair. He feels warm and safe, and eventually Dean dozes off.

Then it all begins again.

He's back in the house, looking at his hands, but they aren't shaking. He feels calm, determined. He decides he's going to just get this goddamn dream over with. He walks purposefully into the room… and stops. There's no one on on the ceiling, nor a demented version of Mary. All he sees is Cas in the center of the room, holding out open arms to him. Flames surround the room, but he isn't afraid anymore. He knows what he needs to do.

He strides towards Cas, and they wrap each other in their arms. Suddenly Dean's watching himself and Cas from the other side of the room. As they stand there with their eyes closed, they begin to dissipate, and the two of them go up into wisps of smoke.

When Dean wakes up, he's looking right into Cas’s eyes, still big and blue even in the darkness, and he feels the last puzzle piece click into place in his mind. He knows exactly what he needs to do. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, leans in, and kisses Cas with all the raw emotion he has in his heart, conveying everything he feels for the angel in that small action.

Cas reciprocates, his mouth moving gently against Dean's in the quiet darkness. He’s taken aback at how much passion, intensity, and _love_ Dean has put into this kiss, all while still being so gentle. And it’s then that he fully lets go, stops holding back, and puts his entire being and all his love for this beautiful man into the kiss.

They stay like that a while, connected by both their lips and their hearts, finally giving in to what they’ve been denying themselves for so long. Dean breaks the kiss and rests his forehead gently on the angel’s.

“Cas, I… I’ve been waiting a long time to say this. Probably too long, honestly. But I… Cas, I-I… I love you.” he breathes.

Cas just smiles and says, “I know. And you know I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, I'd love to hear feedback in your comments! Check out my other work on AO3, Knee Socks, and find me on Wattpad at AnimeTrash_Same. Look for more from me soon!


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